Names and Sayings

 7th May

Okay, okay, it was Paul Young I knew that, I was just checking to see if you were all awake (see ‘home sweet home’).

Who decides on names? My impression is that it depends on what’s being named but there must surely be a ruling body in case of impropriety. Parents name their children but can be overridden in some cases but by whom? Retail goods can be named by their makers but can fall foul of patent laws etc.  Who names diseases? I ask this because of the absurdity of some names we all take for granted.

Who named Chicken Pox and why that name? Why not Rhinoceros Pox? What is the relationship between Chicken Pox and Chickens? Is one of the symptoms of the sufferer that they lay eggs?

Who decided that people who struggle to read, write and spell should be called Dyslexic? Why choose a name that not only the sufferers can’t spell but neither can a large proportion of the rest of the population? Someone, somewhere is having a good chuckle at hoodwinking the population into blithely accepting such a ridiculous name.

Talimogen Laherparepvec. We all know that is a pharmacutical product…..don’t we? What possessed someone to give it that name? If Fleming had decided on that name instead of Penicillin there would be chaos in Chemists (sorry, Pharmacy’s ) all over the country. 

SCENARIO                                                                                      Police officer speaking to the driver of a car stopped for erratic driving. “Do you know why you have been pulled over sir?”.        

 Driver “No occifer (hic)”       

P.O.   “have you been drinking sir?”

Driver  “no occifer (hic)”

P.O.  “have you taken any drugs sir?”

Driver  “yes occifer (hic)”

P.O.  “what drugs would that be sir?”

Driver  “aspirin, occifer (hic)”

P.O.   “what dosage sir?”

Driver  “75mg (burp)”

P.O    “anything else sir?”

Driver  “Talimogen Laherparepvec (hic, hic)”

P.O.    “dosage sir?”

Driver  “no idea occifer (hic)”

P.O.    “Why not?”

Driver  “no space left on the box (hic)”

P.O.  licking his pencil “can you spell Talimogen Laherparepvec for me sir?”

Driver  “no occifer (hic)”

P.O.  “why not?”

Driver.  “I’m dyslexic occifer (hic)”

P.O.    “ how do you spell that?”

Driver  “don’t know, occifer (hic), I’m dyslexic” 

P.O.    “I think in the circumstances sir, you’d best be on your way. Drive carefully”.       

Why do some words ‘trip’ off the tongue? Why not a ‘forward roll with double pike’? Much more descriptive don’t you think?

Then there is the sayings we take for granted and never question  the association to what they mean.

‘Never look a gift horse in the mouth’. What has that got to do with not accepting a present? Why would anyone look any sort of horse in the mouth? Have you seen the teeth on those creatures? Where is the association? What’s a horse got to do with it?

‘Bending over backwards’ meaning to do one’s best to help someone. Most of the population can’t bend forwards let alone backwards.

SCENARIO

Picture this. Man walks to the bus stop where there is a lady already waiting. “do you have the time “ the man asks her. She bends over backwards. Now, I don’t know what image that conjures up in your mind but my first question would be ‘why would anybody wear a watch there’? Most uncomfortable I would imagine especially if it’s a wind-up.

SCENARIO

Dinner party hostess to a late arrival “You’re late, any problems?”

Guest. “sorry I’m late, someone asked me for the time and it took me a while to get my tights off”     

There are many more but I’ll take a rain check for the moment