Hotel Allua de Menorca - Day 1 (part one) Terry

 16th April

Hi, I AM BACK you will be relieved to know. Handing the blog over to Pat was like Tony Blackburn handing over to Sarah Cox. No wonder the readership suddenly dipped.

It’s amazing how much technology has changed in the travel industry since my last journey abroad in September 2024. I was collected this morning at 4.30 a.m. to take me to Gatwick airport but not in the type of vehicle I expected. It was my own fault because I made an assumption instead of reading the fine print on the documents sent to me by the Holiday company. Not the car I expected but a drone. A big drone. As you can imagine I was perplexed as to what I needed to do but, having found the instructions painted on the side of the drone, it was quite easy to work out. First I had to strap my main piece of luggage (suitcase 18kg) to my right ankle and my hand luggage (hold-all 6 kg) to my left ankle and then strap myself to the undercarriage of the drone. Fortunately the weather was fine but given the early morning time it was extremely chilly and had I realised that I would be droning it to the airport I would have worn a jacket. Hindsight is a wondrous thing. I wasn’t sure how to get the drone started so I fell back on the age old ‘giddy up’ which worked instantaneously. The drone had its drawback in that had the weather not been so kind I could have been very wet and windblown by the time we (the drone and I) reached our destination. There was however the advantage of avoiding traffic jams, roadworks, roundabouts, and traffic lights etc. which made the journey that much quicker.

Having reached Gatwick airport the drone very gently lowered me onto the flat roof where I disengaged myself  before sending it back to its base. I would have tipped it but I couldn’t find a slot into which I could feed my 2p coin. With a gentle tap from me and an ‘off you go’ it soared away into the slowly lightening sky. 

It was only then that I realised the second drawback to using the drone. I started the journey at the height of 5ft 2in but the right side of me was now 5ft 8in and the left side 5ft 5in caused by the weight of the luggage. I limped toward the rooftop lift (now there is a misnomer if ever I heard one. The name suggests going up but lifts also go down  and the name should reflect this. A downerupper doesn’t sound  quite right does it but you get the point I am making, surely? The American name ‘elevator’ doesn’t do the trick either).Suggestions welcomed but no rude ones.

Having made my way to the luggage check-in floor I  was amazed at the sight that greeted me. Thousands of flickering candles. Has the electric failed  I asked myself but having queried the situation with a member of the airport staff I was informed that the powers-to-be had decided that candles were a safer bet than electrical sub stations which, in future, would only be used in a state of emergency i.e. a hurricane, in order to avoid the problems encountered by Heathrow airport only weeks previously. Sounded sensible to me.

My new found friend also, with some pride, advised me that luggage check-in and  passport security had been fully automated which when translated meant ‘do it yourself’ . This information immediately filled me with dread for two reasons. Firstly I am an ardent techno idiot and secondly no technology produced today comes with instructions, you either instantly know what to do or you don’t. Somehow I managed to muddle through but I noticed several fellow travellers who, try as they may, could not find their way through the maze and were eventually escorted away by personnel dressed all in black including balaclavas. Some minutes later I heard what I thought was the sound of shots but was more likely to be fireworks. I can’t be certain so please don’t quote me on this.

Finally, comfortably ensconced in the departure lounge, a recorded announcement was made over the tannoy by a lady presumably from Mumbai advising that, due to an industrial dispute, all the airline pilots were on strike but delays were not expected as alternative pilots had been recruited from the ranks of White Van Man and Uber drivers. The speculation with regard to which our pilot would be was rife and was only answered when  the presumed pilot was spotted through the large airport windows kicking the tyres of the plane that would be  ferrying us to our destination. Obviously White Van Man. This was greeted with jubilation because if we had drawn the short straw and got a Uber driver this would have meant a much longer journey, probably via Africa, as it’s well known that Uber drivers always take the scenic route.

Further technological advances were also noted upon boarding the plane. The usual human stewards and stewardesses had been replaced by Androids or was it Robots. What’s the difference between an Android and a Robot? No idea. Whilst this might or might not be an improvement what caused much confusion was that some bright spark had given them a name. Not indivual names but the same name, Alexis. Ordering a snack through a blue tooth contraption meant that instead of one sandwich filled with a questionable substance which looked and smelt like cat or dog food, six were provided, one from each Alexis.A very ingenious way of increasing the airline profits.

Then I awoke with a start. Why a start why not wake up with a finish? Was it a bad dream, a fantasy or a glimpse into the future? I’ll let you decide.

            COMING SOON TO YOUR SMART PHONES AND IPADS           

                                                (PART TWO)

.