If looks could kill

 16th March

I’m sure you have all heard the expression “a picture paints a thousand words” and I’m sure there is an element of truth in that but not everyone sees a picture in the same way and so it’s meaning can be different from person to person. Take the Mona Lisa, the lady with the enigmatic smile, for instance. There are a number of theories as to why she is smiling  but all those theories are based upon the fact that the painting is actually a true reflection of the sitter. Who knows whether that is correct or not and, assuming it is correct, whose interpretation of her smile is correct? Is she happy or is she suffering from a touch of wind?

You may wonder how that is relevant to you and me and the fact is that we all are faced with this dilemma on regular basis. How many times has someone fixed you with “The Look” which immediately conveys an emotion of one sort or another. Your assumption as to what particular emotion may be completely wrong and it’s only when “The Look” is followed by an explanation does all become clear.

Over the past few weeks I have had several instances when I have experienced  “The Look” and been surprised by the reason.        

Instance 1.         

Whilst Pat was doing some ironing recently she announced that the steam-iron was not steaming as it should. I asked whether she had cleaned the iron regularly as recommended within the instruction leaflet. I was given “The Look” and in my naivety I assumed it was a look of incredulity that I should be so clever as to immediately know the answer to the problem.  The smug look on my face was soon wiped off when I was informed with some force that the cleaning of the iron came under the heading of maintenance and as I was the maintenance man I was in dereliction of my duty and therefore the non steaming iron was all my fault. Really?  I didn’t know that. I now realise what I have suspected for some time that instead of being a Lover and Husband as I once was, I had moved down the ranks to the unpaid man who does the maintenance, the gardening, the fixer of Pat’s iPad, part-time chef amongst, no doubt, a myriad of other duties. “The Look” (picture) may have meant a lot of words but it didn’t tell the right story.

Instance 2

Our dining room is at the front of the house overlooking the street and, especially on dark nights when we have our evening meal, we close the curtains. Nothing puts me off my food more than noses pressed against the window. On one occasion one of the little plastic runners connected to the curtain broke and needed to be replaced. I have a box full of plastic curtain rail accessories but, as is inevitably the case, I did not have any replacements, not even in the bread box. Four dead batteries but no plastic thingys so the next morning I popped on a bus to the shops in the town centre in the hope that one of the curtain shops might stock the specific runner that I needed. My luck was in and the very nice shopkeeper produced a packet of 30. I enquired as to the price and was told £3. I fixed the nice man with “The Look” which was meant to signal increduality and followed up by asking him if he was having a Giraffe. It was now his turn and his “The Look” was implacable and was followed by the information that no, he did not own a Giraffe. I would imagine that these little bits of plastic are knocked out at a rate of about 30 million a day at a cost of less than half a penny somewhere in China or Taiwan perhaps but reluctantly I paid up. I did however have the consolation of the last word telling him as I left that at the price he was charging he could afford 2 Giraffes. I can imagine that the readers of this post are saying to themselves “tight b——-d”. In this case it was the principle that was important but once again “That Look” did not tell the whole story.

Instance 3

As I have already said I am not a knowledgeable person when it comes to IT and the technology involved so when I have a problem I have no choice but to turn to someone who can help me. This is, more often than not, my son Roy but on this one occasion he couldn’t remember how to solve the problem without him being able to have my iPad in front of him but as he lives in Yorkshire that wasn’t possible so I took a trip to my local Apple Store and asked for their help for which was quite a minor problem but beyond my comprehension. The young man who caught the short straw (he looked about 15 years old but it seems all young people look that age to me nowadays) sorted the problem within minutes although I have no idea what he did to put it right. Before taking my leave I asked him to show me what I now needed to do and he told me to go to my browser. I gave him “The Look” to signal my bewilderment and then asked him what a browser was. He now gave me “The look” and his nose wrinkled just a tiny bit which I later realised was one of surprise but at that moment in time I thought that, without knowing it, I must have let loose the biggest and smelliest fart he had ever experienced in all his 15 years. “Safari” he stated by way of explanation and when I said “oh that’s what a browser is is it?” his “The Look” changed to one that needed no words to see the pity he felt for such a hopeless case.

If you are not sure just how little I know about IT in general let me tell you that when I got my first iPad it was set up for me by an Apple tech but when I got home I couldn’t find out how to access my emails. Methodically I pressed every button on the iPad except for one and it eventually turned out to be the one I needed. Why didn’t I press that particular button initially? It’s because I thought Safari must be a holiday company specializing in African holidays. I’ve come a long way since then but I’m still only part of the way on the learning curve to competency, something I am never likely to achieve.

N.B. I endeavour not to name companies because I don’t wish to advertise them without being paid but I must make an exception in this case and say that the people who I have had dealings with, including the young man mentioned above, in the Stratford Apple store are the most helpful and patient of people and they don’t charge for the help and assistance they give. My thanks and congratulations to them.

Pat has just finished reading the preview of this post and is currently giving me “The Look”. I wonder what it means?