The Demise of the Blog-

 It is with considerable sadness that I have to inform my followers that for a variety of reasons, this Blog will cease to exist after this last post. To make it clearer, it will be on a par with Monty Pythons parrot. 

In order to find out what has gone wrong I have commissioned a survey of 50.000 people to get their views and the results of which have been quite startling. I shall outline the results for you:-

Of the 50,000 people surveyed 49,988 said they had never heard of the blog. This is a big disappointment especially as I made a very big effort to have the Blog brazened across the Walkers ‘salt and vinegar’ Crisp packets after Gary Lineker was omitted for being a clunk-head of the greatest order. Had Walkers been more astute it could have been a big help not only to the Blog but a money spinner for them also.

The survey was inconclusive as to specific reasons for the lack of readers but concluded that many of the topics that would have piqued interest had not been included. These exclusions were an editorial decision based upon not upsetting anybody (not entirely successful).

Politics was one example that was omitted as it was felt that the population were already sated with information about how Keir Starmer, sorry that’s not correct. Cur Keir Starmer, sorry that’s not correct either, Sir Keir Starmer to give him his proper title that he earnt for cocking up the Prosecution Service, and his merry bunch of Leeches were doing their  best to kill off everyone over the retirement age by reducing their income in as many ways as possible. Rachel from Accounts is leading the campaign with some gusto and I have heard that her latest plan is to raise the retirement age to 120 so that nobody gets a Government pension thereby saving billions of pounds in payments plus the added extra income tax revenue this would bring.

Religion was avoided by not mentioning the peadophile Vicars, Bishops and all the other layers of the clergy who preach what they don’t practice. Likewise, the naughty Nuns, many of whom set an example by a strictness that amounts to cruelty. Can anybody explain why, of all the wars going on in the world today, nearly all are related to religion in one way or another?

 Immigration.  I do not wish to fan the flames on this subject but there are more and more signs of civil unrest. We have to take a hard line regarding the numbers of people who are flooding onto our shores simply because we are a soft touch. The non genuine asylum seekers must be weeded out and removed and measures, such as the Rwanda scheme, have to be revised immediately. If people arriving in our country have done so illegally they have waived their right to an asylum hearing and should be removed without a hearing and we have to stop listening to the do-gooders and other organisations who shake their heads in disapproval. Time to get tough and if whatever measures we take upset our European neighbours let’s consider this as an unintended bonus.

It is true that the accounts of our various recent Holidays have not included any, so called, dangerous sports such as bungy-jumping and parachuting out of aeroplanes, nor did we try to eclipse the the efforts of Hannibal (traversed the Alps with a herd of Elephants) or journeyed across swathes of the earth like Marco Polo or undergone epic sailing voyages like Vasco de Gama but in the past I have been known to abseil down the length of a matchbox and Pat once ironed a piece of her clothing on the bed in her holiday room without using an ironing board neither of which was widely reported at the time. Pat also pointed out in her defence that it wasn’t  possible to parachute out of aeroplanes in her younger days because the Wright brothers and their contempories hadn’t been born then. For all his troubles poor old Marco became better known for having a sweet with no centre named after him and a type of jumper. I don’t doubt that he later probably wondered whether his exploits were worth it.

 There are probably many other issues that I could have written about but didn’t because I’m not a trouble maker and socially ill-equipped to deal with controversy. No doubt I will come up with another ‘cunning plan’ some time soon. Au revoir as the Germans so aptly say and enjoy good health and good luck.